it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
