Non-Jews are for practice
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Randomize
