i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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