remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
