I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
