this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
