We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
