jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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