I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
