Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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