Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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