Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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