He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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