who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
