My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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