Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
