He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
