I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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