that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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