i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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