Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
