Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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