No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
