I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
