We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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