woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
