Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
