There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
