Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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