did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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