he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
