At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
