you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
