There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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