if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
