And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
