Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
