dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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