i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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