I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
