The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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