I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
