Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
