True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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