his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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