He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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