He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
