Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
