Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
