if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Buhtt sex?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
