You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
