Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
