I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
