so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
high people should be assigned attendants
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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